As parents, we often strive to give our children the best in the hopes of providing them happiness and future success. In this high-achieving community, parents can be drawn into premier sports, academic tutoring and a plethora of extra-curricular activities. However, studies have shown that children who are empathetic and develop strong social relationships are more likely to be happy and successful adults. Raising kind children does not have to be complicated and can happen at any age.
Kindness first starts young and in the home. Children learn about caring through their attachment to their families. This can take many forms from evening story time, family dinners and sharing in your child’s interests. Engage in meaningful conversation that can draw out feelings and emotions. Instead of the familiar “How was your day?” ask questions such as “Tell me about something that made you proud today?” or “Did anyone say something kind to you today?”
Opportunities for children to practice kindness need to be available in our homes. I will never forget the story I heard about one of my favorite kindergarten teachers “accidentally” dropping a jar of pencils on the floor. Allowing her students to help clean up and practice kind words gave them the chance to practice empathy. Another way to practice is by giving children simple jobs or chores that help the family. Expecting routine help without reward will instill responsibility into their daily lives. Finally, set up the expectation of gratitude by expressing thanks for these ordinary events such as dinner and carpools.
Make caring for others a priority in your home. We are likely doing this everyday but we may not be prioritizing it with our children. When we help a neighbor in need or send a thank you note, make sure that your children are not only seeing but also understanding why you feel that this action is important. Consider expanding your child’s realm by showing your care outside of your family and friend circle. For example, consider the school custodian or lunchroom helper when showing appreciation. Parents can keep expanding that empathy to wider global concerns as our children age.
We know we are our children’s biggest role models growing up. I think most parents can relate an embarrassing story of when their children repeated something inappropriate they said. Turn that natural mimicking behavior to your advantage. Consider regularly engaging in community service whether that is through your place of worship, your school or your favorite charity. Better yet, consider doing it together through organizations like National Charity League or National League of Young Men. Talk the talk as well by expressing gratitude and respect. This can be easy when talking to friends and loved ones but can fall apart when there are disagreements with strangers. Parents can also model humility and honesty when we make mistakes and fail.
Value not only your child’s grades or prowess on the field, but their kindness to others. Raising kind, respectful and caring children is hard work but also the most rewarding. When we work towards this goal, our children will carry these traits throughout their lives and will be happier and more successful adults. Ultimately, isn’t that what we as parents want most?
Dr. Elizabeth Evans has been practicing pediatrics for over 15 years. She lives on Mercer Island with her husband and three daughters. She is actively involved in the community with Girl Scouts and the Lakeridge Elementary PTA.
