In a recent column, “Thanksgiving table-talk tips for the whole family,” I suggested some possible rules for holiday conversations around the dinner table. In case you missed it, I recommended that some topics be “Green Light” (safe to discuss), some “Yellow Light” (best be careful), and some “Red Light” (would start big arguments).
I got lots of reaction to the column, some of it even positive. A few said “great idea,” while many scoffed, “it’ll never work, we’re too polarized.”
Well, it’s still the holiday season and more dinnertime discussions are on the table, so I have another suggestion:
For every controversial topic, find out who has the strongest opinion about it. Then make them argue the other side. If you have two people with contrasting views, they must play “devil’s advocate” and defend the opposite position.
Just imagine if Donald Trump and Kamala Harris had done this in their last debate. Wouldn’t that have been hugely entertaining?
As I’ve always said, debate is what makes America great. If you are truly open-minded and intellectually nimble, you can surely defend a different point of view, right?
There’s an old joke that if you walk a mile in another person’s shoes, then: 1) you’ll be a mile away from them, and 2) you’ll have their shoes.
But think about it: We all should try to understand people we disagree with, right? Even if we’re saying to ourselves: “What is wrong with them? How could he/she believe that? What an idiot!”
But this season, instead of mocking, scorning, ignoring or shouting down those morons, why not take their side and lay out the strongest possible argument? Make their best case.
What better way to combat polarization: By sincere and genuine efforts to comprehend and articulate others’ viewpoints — no matter how wacko/ignorant/uninformed/misguided/mistaken they may be?
Granted, several groups around the country have worked on ameliorating polarization, such as Braver Angels, Stand With Us, Builders, and a few others. They sincerely seek to find common ground. How? First talk about kids and grandkids, pets, food, weather, etc. Then urge opponents to listen closely, ask questions, attempt to understand, and refrain from kicking the other person in the you-know-what. Fine. That may work for some folks.
But my approach digs deeper. Much deeper. Maybe into the least-used sections of our brains, those that actually produce sympathetic empathy.
Perhaps you could look up the rules for high-school debates, where team members are required to be ready to argue either side of every issue. They stress the “4 Cs” of debate: “Critical Thinking, Communication, Control, and Creativity.” They also add “Camaraderie,” albeit somewhat hopefully.
So, here’s how you might play the game. Identify two relatives or friends on opposite sides and give them a few minutes to prepare their arguments. Then each has three minutes to argue the other’s position, one minute for rebuttal, and one minute for a closing statement. Let the whole family vote on who won. Cheering and applause are encouraged. Moderate drinking is allowed, but no food fights.
Remember, players must argue the position diametrically opposite to their own beliefs. Here are a few possible topics for a fun-filled evening. Which side will you argue?
1. Donald Trump will be a great/terrible president.
2. The news media are biased to the left/right.
3. Abortion should be completely legal/totally banned.
4. Climate change is/isn’t an existential crisis.
5. Gun ownership should/should not be restricted.
6. Republicans/Democrats are the better party.
7. Democracy is/isn’t the best form of government.
8. Men/women should rule the world.
9. The United Nations is/isn’t greatly effective.
10. Israel/Palestine are fully justified in their claims to historic lands.
11. America is/isn’t the greatest country in the world.
12. God is dead/alive.
13. Religion is good/bad.
14. Pumpkin/pecan pie is preferable.
15. Toilet paper should roll over the top/bottom.
OK, I threw those last two in to make sure you’re still reading, but you get the idea. Feel free to come up with your own topics, like homelessness, drugs, schools, traffic, sports, etc. After all, we disagree on almost everything in this country. We all agree on that, don’t we?
You and your family and friends are free to make up your own rules. But whatever you do, don’t try to change them in the middle of the game or, heaven forbid, switch sides. That would just ignite a huge argument — and nobody wants that.
Happy holidays, everyone.
(And the winner is “over the top.”)
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Mercer Island resident John Hamer is a former editorial writer/columnist for The Seattle Times who argued various sides of many issues during his career.
