We used to do more of this: multiple generations living together under one roof or living close by in the same neighborhood. It was part of what families did — it was expected. But now the trend is a little bit different. Of the six million American multi-generational households, 62 percent are comprised of grown children moving in with their parents, not elderly parents moving in with their children.
We can partly account for this by the economic downturn and increased unemployment. But there are other issues here that might have an effect, such as people living longer and needing more help, the high cost of housing or shortage of affordable housing, shortage of affordable child and elder care, divorce, chronic mental health and drug and alcohol problems.
Sometimes, this is a good thing and really benefits both adult children and their parents. Grandparents may provide very inexpensive and often more personal childcare, grandchildren are exposed to the family culture and history through the eyes of their grandparents, and the family is able to just spend more time together more often. Financial situations for both the parents and the grown children might have a chance to improve, by sharing of resources and housing costs. For adult children, they can supervise the care of their loved ones in the home. For older parents, this allows them to stay in the home much longer and, of course, this is the fondest wish of most of my clients.
But it is not always so rosy. One of the hardest things to put into place in any communal living situation is who does what and when. Meeting expectations without the benefit of a frank discussion can lead to misunderstandings. Discussing shared living costs such as utilities, food, Internet/cable TV, rent and who does the cooking and cleaning, are very important topics to cover. When problems arise, it is usually due to people assuming that the other is doing a particular role/job/task that is not happening. Also, money issues can cause hard feelings if not set up ahead of time. Costs can rise when there are multiple members in a house. Food, utilities and just wear and tear on the home can add up. Just taking the time to resolve conflicts when they arise can help to keep them from happening again. One way to do this is to set up the “rules of the house” before anyone moves in with regular discussions about how the rules are working. This gives an opportunity to re-evaluate the “house rules” to see if they are working for everyone and provides a chance for all to be part of the decision- making process.
In times of difficulty, people tend to go to their family for support. For some families, multigenerational housing is the perfect solution to their concerns of money, care and basic needs. I expect that we will see more of this in the years to come, and with some careful thought and preparation, it can be a great thing.
Resources: www.aarp.org, www.grandparents.com.
Betsy Zuber, geriatric specialist, has been working in the field of aging for 18 years. She provides social services to people ages 55+ and their families who live on Mercer Island. She can be contacted at (206) 275-7752, betsy.zuber@mercergov.org or MIYFS, 2040 84th Ave. S.E., Mercer Island, Wash., 98040. Mercer Island Youth & Family Services is a department of the City of Mercer Island.
