It’s the middle of January. Have you already broken any of your New Year’s resolutions?

I’ll start: Well, yes. On New Year’s Eve, I promised myself in 2025 to eat healthier, exercise more, take walks, listen better, talk less, and follow the Golden Rule. Oh, and don’t forget to floss. How am I doing so far?

Well, not so hot. On every resolution I have already slipped back into some old habits despite my best intentions. Has this happened to any of you? Thought so. And we’re not alone.

On New Year’s Day, we had some friends and family drop by for a spontaneous open-house gathering. At one point, a few of us began talking about the various efforts we’d made over the years to be better people – more helpful, kind, generous, organized, focused, efficient, etc. We’d all tried different programs and even written pages of pledges on yellow legal pads or in fancy notebooks. And we’d all failed to some degree.

But this year will be different, right? In 2025, we’ll stick to our lists, check them every day, and definitely stay on track. Right?

Yeah, right. Barely two weeks in, I’m already falling short. Not eating enough fruits and vegetables, skipping workouts, closing my ears, flapping my yap, and not always treating others the way I’d like to be treated myself. I suspect I’m not alone. So what is wrong with us, anyway?

I’ve begun to think that maybe we’re trying too hard. We’re simply human, after all. We have many good qualities, but also many weaknesses. As the old saying goes, we have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. It’s a constant struggle to stay on the high road. We all need help.

Serendipitously, an old friend recently sent me something that made me rethink my whole approach. Instead of making a long list of ambitious resolutions, it’s a list of big questions to ask ourselves in the new year. Take a few minutes to read these. Then take an hour or two and try to answer them. They’re definitely thought-provoking:

1. What would you like to have happen in your life this year?

2. What would you like to do, to accomplish?

3. What good would you like to attract into your life?

4. What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you?

5. What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?

6. What would you like to attain? Little things and big things?

7. Where would you like to go?

8. What would you like to have happen in friendship and love?

9. What would you like to have happen in your family life?

10. What problems would you like to see solved?

11. What decisions would you like to make?

12. What would you like to happen in your career?

13. What would you like to see happen inside and around you?

The source of these questions is “The Language of Letting Go” by Melody Beattie (Hazelden Foundation, copyright 1990). It’s a daily meditation guide aimed mainly at those who are struggling with addictions and co-dependency. But these questions clearly can apply to anyone.

My wife and I spent several hours discussing the questions one by one, and we found the process provocative, constructive and rewarding. It takes real effort, but it’s time well spent. These questions are, in a way, what life is all about. Give it a try. See if you can answer them.

Then go eat that yogurt, do a workout, take a nice walk, talk with your neighbor, listen to your partner, bite your tongue – and don’t forget to floss.

John Hamer is a former editorial writer and columnist for The Seattle Times who has lived on Mercer Island for 25 years with his wife, who never forgets to floss.