Dear YFS,

Half way through the school year, a family with two middle school-aged boys moved into my neighborhood. Their mom says the boys are struggling to fit in, yet they’re smart kids with typical interests. Maybe it’s because Mercer Island is just a tight-knit community. Still, I wonder what advice I can give this mom.

South end Mom

Dear SEM,

It is very kind of you to ask about helping a new family. Moving to a new school can be difficult at any time, especially mid-year. Middle school can be challenging as youth at this age are naturally beginning to move outside the family for friends and connections while simultaneously dealing with the social challenges that come with puberty.

Yet, there are ways parents can help to lessen any difficulty the boys might be experiencing. First, start by reaching out to other parents.

At first, it might seem like the norm that Island parents avoid talking about issues or challenges — there really are many high achieving families here and social circles overlap. However, a 2013 YFS parent survey found that a very large majority of parents report being open to talking with other parents about issues related to children’s well-being.

You can also tap into your experience as an Island parent and help your new neighbors get connected with community groups and activities.

Suggest the mom reach out to her son’s friend’s parents or those on their sports teams, school PTA or in the neighborhood. While too old for play dates, some strategic social planning can also help. Involved parents open doors of opportunity for their children to connect with others by exposing the boys to relationships outside the school setting.

Middle school is a hard for many youth growing up here as well — these boys are not alone. Keep in mind that despite the short-term pain associated with change, in the long run, facing this type of challenge helps youth build resiliency. Figuring out a new school and friendships will require the boys to reach out, problem solve, and use social and emotional skills to connect with others.

If they continue to struggle, suggest the parents and/or boys check in with the YFS middle school counselor (Harry Brown) for a few tips.

Your question reminds me of the value of a community “welcome wagon” that shows new parents the ropes and helps establish connections.

Cindy Goodwin is the director of Mercer Island Youth and Family Services. The advice offered by YFS is intended for informational purposes only and to guide you in seeking further resources if needed. The answers to questions are not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, psychological, financial, medical, legal or other professional advice. If you have a question you would like to ask Cindy to answer in this column, or if you need additional professional resources, email miyfs@mercergov.org.