Dear YFS,

I work as a paraprofessional in the gifted program for elementary school children. Some of them struggle with friendships and being social. How can I assist the parents of these students to help their children with these issues?

Want to help.

WTH

Dear WTH,

Friendship and social skills can be hard for any child, but remember that children are generally pre-wired to develop these with the right opportunities and support. However, for children who benefit from additional intellectual stimulation early on, it can be a challenge to ensure that social/emotional skills are not left behind.

Of course, before approaching any parent, it is important to get a full picture of their student’s capacities and needs. For example, some children can have hidden disabilities or learning differences that influence social-emotional development.

Then ask, does the parent recognize the important of social-emotional education in addition to high capacity academic learning? What is the parent’s interest in helping their child succeed in this realm?

With children who are advanced academically or cognitively, some adults look past interrupting, monopolizing a conversation, refusing to take turns, or showing patience for others. Questions about a parent’s readiness to support social skill development is important because the critical role of parents will be to model appropriate social and friendship skills.

Parents tend to see their children from one vantage point. Youth-serving professionals bring a different perspective. Help a parent get a more complete picture of their child by describing how their unique gifts can be enhanced by social-emotional skills. Rather than a deficit approach, explain how these skills are proven to help in all kinds of relationships, college and career.

WTH, we are so fortunate for a school district for staff like you that understand the “whole child” approach to learning. A thoroughbred race horse that trains exclusively for straight-line speed may not do so well running cross country. Similarly, hi-capacity students will do best when schools and parents collaborate to give them all the skills they need for life’s journeys.

Good luck.

Cindy Goodwin is the director of Mercer Island Youth and Family Services. The advice offered by YFS is intended for informational purposes only and to guide you in seeking further resources if needed. The answers to questions are not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, psychological, financial, medical, legal or other professional advice. If you have a question you would like to ask Cindy to answer in this column, or if you need additional professional resources, email miyfs@mercergov.org.